And I’m back from my just-over-two-month hiatus from posting. During that time, my beloved Suns got eliminated by THEM again, the Diamondbacks’ wheels have come off, the Arizona Wildcats softball team got eliminated from the Women’s College World Series, the Arizona Wildcats baseball team twice blew opportunities to go to the College World Series (guys, it is legal to get a hit WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION!!!!!), and a great soccer tournament has been going on in Switzerland and Austria. Yes, I’m talking about the Euro – the European Championship Tournament, sponsored by the Union of European Football Associations (UEFA). This tournament is the second-biggest soccer tournament around, behind only the World Cup. Both tournaments only take place every four years. The World Cup occurs in the even-numbered years that aren’t leap years, and the Euro takes place in leap years.
This year’s tournament has been incredibly exciting. The final was yesterday, June 29, and it featured Spain and Germany. Since ABC lost the feed of the game during its LIVE coverage, I had to wait until this morning at 2:05 to see it. No way was I staying up (or getting up) to watch it, so I’m watching the TiVo tape of it. This is one of those championship games where the two teams that have consistently been playing the best during the tournament actually made the championship game. It’s a rare occurrence these days, especially in leagues that AREN’T rigged (yes, NBA, I’m talking to you!!!!). Without further ado, a running diary of the Euro Final. (Even you non-soccer fans might be entertained by this. It is the world’s most popular sport for a reason.)
Before opening kickoff – We are watching ABC’s live tape delayed coverage of the Euro 2008 Final from Ernst Happel Stadion in Vienna! Adrian Healey and former striker Andy Gray are the commentators. Both are Scotsmen. I love their accents. Furthermore, Andy Gray calls it how it is and doesn’t whitewash his feelings. He’s the best announcer in sports. He should be a commentator on every sporting event, whether it be soccer, basketball, baseball, volleyball, water polo, tennis, darts – I don’t care. He’s the best.
First Minute (1') – Spain kicks off, and the Thirteenth European Championship final is underway! We started qualification nearly two years ago with 57 teams, and now we’re down to two!
1', later – Spain gets a throw-in. The guy who takes the throw-in – Sergio Ramos – looks like a woman wearing a headband. Why do so many of these teams have players who look so effeminate?
2' – Adrian Healey informs us that Spain is in their first Euro Cup Final since 1984, when they
lost to France, and that Spain is seeking its first Euro Championship Cup since 1964. Wow. For those of you new to international soccer, Spain consistently has ridiculously talented teams that always choke. In the World Cup they usually do in either the Round of 16 or in the Quarterfinals. And it’s always done in glorious fashion. Meanwhile, Germany is playing in their 12th final. This is their sixth Euro final (they’ve won it three times), and they’ve also played in six World Cup final matches (they’ve won three). Andy Gray mentions that when playing Germany, you have to remember to play the guys in front of you, and not the shirts they’re wearing or the country they play for.
3' – Shot of Spain’s coach Luis Aragones (left), who looks old enough to have invented soccer.4' – Germany has a chance but can’t get a shot off. Goal kick. After Spanish keeper extra ordinaire Iker Casillas boots a beautiful goal kick, Spain attacks the German net but is offside, followed by another German attack that goes over the endline for another Spanish goal kick.
8' – Germany’s Michael Ballack makes a beautiful move to get by Ramos and makes a dangerous-looking cross – right before getting clobbered – that falls harmlessly on the other side of the net. Spain then gets called for a foul on an aerial ball. Andy Gray (love his commentary!) says, “I’m not sure why that’s a foul.” Love it.
9' – Hitzelsperger (guess which country HE plays for) takes a VERY weak shot at the net that Casillas could have saved blindfolded. Easily kept out by a yawning Casillas.
10' – Found out that German keeper Jens Lehmann lost his starting spot on his club team (pro team to you Americans) to – ironically – a Spanish goalkeeper. And the German defenders are supposed to trust this guy? Did I mention he’s balding?
11' – First corner of the game, taken by Germany, is punched out by a leaping Casillas.
12' – Ramos takes an obvious dive after a minor collision and is awarded a free kick. Andy Gray: “Little generous. LITTLE generous. I thought it was just a minor bump.”
14' – Spain sets up a beautiful attack! One of their passes got deflected toward the goal by bearded German defender Christoph Metzelder, which forced Lehmann to make his first save of the game – and the first diving save by either keeper. The resulting Spanish corner goes nowhere. I promise, this game really is exciting even though there haven’t been any goals yet.
16' – ABC flashes a graphic stating that Spain has not lost a game since November 15, 2006. They have won 18 games and tied 3 since that date, featuring wins over England, France, Italy, and USA during that time.
17' – Silva for Spain takes a knee to the thigh and hits the deck. Free kick to Spain from WAYYYYYYYYYY out. Germany sets up the wall . . . and the shot curled in toward the net but right into Lehmann’s hands.
18' – After Spanish mega-star striker Fernando Torres blows yet another open opportunity to get a shot on goal, the replay shows a closeup of the ball. It’s silver! Cool!
19' – First of the required five close-ups of the referee. The officials are wearing turquoise shirts today. I like how soccer refs get to choose their shirt colors. The only other sport that allows that is baseball. Later, Torres gets kicked in the ankle by the sideline and crumples in a heap. The resulting free kick is headed harmlessly over the bar by a Spaniard. German goal kick.
22' – Sergio Ramos makes a beautiful chip-pass to Torres in the box that Torres leaps and beautifully heads toward the goal and past a diving Lehmann! BUT . . . it clangs off the post. So close. Torres seems snakebit! He cannot find the back of the net in this tournament!
24' – Germany started off in dominant fashion, but in the last ten minutes the ball has seemed to live in the German end of the field.
25' – Spoke too soon. Germany immediately counter-attacks and wins a corner that is immediately headed out by the Spanish.
26' – The Spanish counter-attack results in the token stupid play by Lehmann. He came to the top of the area and tried to show off his dribbling skills. An astute Spanish striker nearly pokes the ball away from Lehmann. That would have been EMBARRASSING.
27' – Adrian Healey makes his required plug for ESPN’s NASCAR coverage, talking about Saturday’s race in Richmond. Healey: “I know YOU saw that, Andy.” Gray: “Missed it. I was with my lady, who was spending my money in New York.”
29' – Torres bolts toward the German net, making every German nervous. Metzelder slides and pokes it over the end line. The resulting Spanish corner ends early after Spain commits a foul.
31' – As Fabregas blasts a shot that Lehmann falls and catches, I see on ESPN’s Bottom Line that the D-Backs led the Marlins 3-1 in the Eighth Inning. If they hang on, they’ll go to 43-40. They’ve had a DISASTROUS May and June. Back to soccer.
32' – Graphic: France is only team to ever go 3-0 in the Group Stage at the Euro and then win the championship, and this was in 1984. Spain this year went 3-0 in Group Play.
33' – A very optimistic pass to Torres up the middle gets near the penalty area . . . Lehmann comes out to try and stop it . . . Torres pokes it just past Lehmann . . . AND THE BOUNCING BALL GOES IN! 1-0 SPAIN! Healey: “Fernando Torres is almost the recipient – he IS the recipient! (Ball goes in) Torres has the Midas Touch, and it’s a Spanish treasure!” BEAUTIFUL play, wonderful announcing! Gray: “What a finish! And Madrid goes mad!”
35' – Spain’s David Silva has a WIDE OPEN opportunity to score that he sends into orbit. Talk about a SHANK!
36' – Michael Ballack has a cut above his eye. He is bleeding profusely. Holy cow! He goes off to get stitched up so he can return. I love this about soccer. The players will respond with, “Tis but a scratch” on a cut like that, yet they’ll fall to the ground like they’ve been shot after somebody brushes by them. Especially Italy.
38' – As the trainers continue to work on Ballack, they show a replay of King Juan Carlos II – who is attending the game – celebrating the goal.
39' – Ballack returns and immediately makes an impact on the play. But, he has running blood again and has to leave the field. This gives me horrific memories of Steve Nash in Game 1 of 2007 against the Spurs (left). I even think about that game during a soccer match. Do they have therapy for Suns fans?41' – A German free kick is “quickly snuffed out” by the Spanish defense, in the words of Adrian Healey.
42' – After Michael Ballack dangerously clobbers yet another Spanish player, but doesn’t stop the Spanish attack, referee Roberto Rosetti (of Italy) blows the whistle for a foul. Gray: “Oh, LET IT GO REFEREE! PLEASE! And I’m surprised Ballack hasn’t been booked (shown the yellow card, a caution, two yellows = a red = an ejection = ejected player’s team playing a man down for the rest of the game) yet after six dangerous tackles now. What’s he doing?” Meanwhile, most of the Spanish team goes to let the referee know what they think of Ballack’s thuggery, and FINALLY Rosetti pulls out the yellow card and shows it to Ballack. Whoa, he also
booked Casillas! I guess he and Ballack were arguing with each other too much? It looked to me like Casillas was trying to keep his players from slapping Ballack across the face a la Rick James on Dave Chappelle’s Show (left).45' – Andy Gray names all of the German stars and says the word “What?” after every name. He’s saying that Germany isn’t all it’s cracked up to be right now and those guys haven’t done much this game. Yet another reason why he’s the best commentator in sports.
Halftime – Spain leads 1-0. I’m going to get some food.
Second Half Kickoff – And we’re back! Germany kicks off and the second half is underway. Germany makes what Andy Gray calls “a strange substitution when you’re down a goal” and then follows with, “but, Joachim Low is the boss, he’s the gaffer, and he’s paid to make these decisions.” Andy Gray should teach a class on sports announcing.
47' – A promising German attack is halted due to a player being offside. Andy Gray continues his earlier discussion by saying that Phillip Lamm (a star German defender) must be injured.
50' – After Torres’ attack is halted due to a German foul, Rosetti says it’s not a foul. Gray: “And a foul here . . . what? Oh. . . well, Rosetti has his qualifications, and he’s the referee . . .” Love it.
51' – In the same play, Carlos Marchena kicks a long pass to his teammate. His teammate is offside, so play is halted. Meanwhile, German striker Miroslav Klose is writhing in pain on the ground. The replay shows us why: Marchena’s follow-through caught Klose RIGHT IN THE CROTCH. His toe hit Klose square in the Mommy-Daddy button! OUCH! Oh man. Klose won’t get up for a while. Gray’s calm description: “He just got a whack on the follow-through there, as you can see. He should be okay.” Um, they had to DROP HIM ON HIS TAILBONE!!! He left the field, understandably. Gray: “He’s a little winded more than anything. That caught him in the midriff area.” Try again. IT CAUGHT HIM IN THE PILLS!
53' – Play continues with a great German attack followed by a swift Spanish counter-attack that ends with a shot going wide, followed by Lehmann’s required “get up and start yelling at someone” that goalies do after a near-miss.
54' – Healey mentions that Casillas hasn’t had much to do this game. Gray: “Except for maybe deal with a couple of crosses.”
58' – A Spanish attack ends when German Torsten Frings throws Andrés Iniesta to the ground. How was that not a yellow card? Andy Gray wonders the same thing.
59' – Michael Ballack finally gets a shot off, but it rockets just outside the post and hits the side netting. This is enough to bring German Chancellor Dr. Angela Merkel off her seat. She’s a huge soccer fan.
61' – Healey: “Thunderous midair collision there between Metzelder and Torres.”
62' – Germany played the ball onward even though Torres was still down and shaken up, infuriating the Spanish fans in attendance. Fortunately, Casillas punched a threatening chip pass away from danger.
63' – Who woke the Germans up? They’re playing like men possessed now! They’re attacking that Spanish goal with reckless abandon. Casillas still will not be beaten, though. Meanwhile, Spain subs Xabi Alonso for Fabregas.
64' – DUDE! A fight nearly breaks out! Germany’s Lukas Podolski hit the deck after a rather cheap foul by David Silva that the referee couldn’t see. Podolski got up into Silva’s face, then Silva headbutted him. But the referee couldn’t see that, either, due to being screened off! Meanwhile Ballack is going to every official and pleading for Silva to be tossed out of the game. (Zinedine Zidane (above, in white) is laughing at this, I bet.) Gray, angrily: “I wish Ballack would just go back and play. He’s over at the linesman trying to get a player sent off. If the referee sees it, fine, he should go off. . . . This game is just about to explode, any minute!” This is awesome!65' – Germany follows with a really bad free kick that was about twelve feet wide.
66' – Boy, this game has become really chippy. There are reckless tackles and bodies flying everywhere. Spain subs Silva (the instigator of that last ruckus) with Santi Cazorla, which Gray calls “another sensible decision.” Gray also has continually maintained over the past few minutes that this “game is about to explode, any minute,” and “This game is NOT finishing at 1-0.” I’m thinking that the game may not finish with 11 players on the field for both teams. There’s trouble a-brewin’. . .
67' – A handball on Germany gives Spain a free kick from around 40 yards out. Michael Ballack and Christoph Metzelder each look like they’re about to murder someone with their bare hands right now. The Spanish free kick gets chipped high into the penalty area, where two Spanish players take off in a dead sprint toward the ball before any German moves. Uh, defense? Hello? Lehmann slaps Ramos’ header over the end line for a Spanish corner. Spain had two players onside and WIDE OPEN. Gray: “What is their marking doing? What are the Germans thinking of? Why don’t you just hand them a goal, lads?”
68' – The resulting corner gets shot toward the goal but off the post. Spain then puts another shot toward the net, but this time it’s on target, and Lehmann knocks it away from danger. King Juan Carlos II about leapt from his chair again there. The king apparently loves his fútbol.
70' – Ramos knocks Jensen flat on his can and gives Germany a free kick from the left side.
71' – The high, looping free kick gets punched to the middle of the field by Iker Casillas, who is starting to look bored.
72' – A Spaniard gets fouled by a German who looks like Buff Bagwell, complete with that stupid pencil-line beard.
73' – Ballack now looks focused. ABC flashes a graphic that in Euro 96, Germany was down 1-0 to the Czech Republic at this point in the game, only to score two unanswered goals and win in extra time. Also just saw the score at the bottom of the screen that the Marlins came back and beat the D-Backs 4-3.
74' – Fernando Torres and Per Mertesacker both jump for a high ball, colliding heads in the process. A few seconds later, the referee blows his whistle and then cautions Torres, which makes as much sense as it did for the Blazers to draft Sam Bowie instead of Michael Jordan. Gray: “I don’t wanna criticize the referee, but this is . . . if that was a free kick and a booking, then why did he not blow the whistle, Adrian, as soon as the incident happened? Why did he allow play to go on and then when he doesn’t get up – the defender – he then comes back and books him? (Replay of incident happens, showing absolutely nothing more than two guys jumping for the ball and smacking heads mid-air) I’m not sure about that, look. It’s a clash of heads. Right? Agreed?” Healey: “Yeah.” Gray: “Now, how is that a yellow card? Answer me that question.” Healey: “I didn’t see an elbow flying.” Gray: “It’s nonsense.” Adrian Healey and Andy Gray need to announce for the NBA and send all tapes to an independent investigator. (I’m not bitter, I’m just saying. . . Okay, yes I’m bitter and need therapy. Darn Spurs.)
76' – Torres ends up all alone in front of the net and shanks it, hitting a little dink shot that Lehmann easily scoops up. Andy Gray can’t believe that Torres blew that one. Healey brings up again that Spain has a reputation for being “tournament bunglers” and “constant underachievers.”
77' – Another Spanish attack results in a deflection out of bounds by a German defender and another Spanish corner kick, which is sent clear of danger quite quickly.
78' – Daniel Guïza replaces an exhausted Fernando Torres, who is less than 15 minutes away from being a national hero if this lead holds.
79' – Lehmann goes to the edge of the penalty area to punch a high ball clear, preventing a wide-open streaking Spaniard from adding to the lead. I’m not sure he was still in the area. He looked like he was outside of it to me, and Andy Gray agrees. (For you non-soccer fans, if a goalie handles the ball outside of the area, it’s an automatic red card. The team can bring in another goalie if they have a sub left, but an outfield player has to leave the field.) Andy’s incredulous. His voice got really high pitched while describing that one.
80' – Another Spanish attack results in a Lehmann save. The replay of the play from the 79' regarding Lehmann shows that he indeed handled the ball outside of the area.
82' – Spain has a TREMENDOUS opportunity to make it 2-0, but the ball bounces high, and Marcos Senna whiffs the kick, landing flat on his keister. If he connects with the ball AT ALL, it’s in the net and it’s 2-0.
84' – The ball is living next to the German goal right now. How will Germany even have a prayer to equalize if they don’t even put the ball into the Spanish end of the field? Casillas might be at the concession stand buying a bratwurst right now and we’d never know because the ball is nowhere near Spain’s end of the field. Heck, he might be across the street at the pub watching the game on TV for all we know.
87' – Germany finally gets on the attack. Interesting to note that 19 goals in this tournament have been scored after the 85'. Meanwhile, German fans look like deer frozen in the glare of headlights, while Spanish fans are dancing and jumping.
88' – Germany’s Kuranyi – the Buff Bagwell look-alike – clobbers Daniel Guïza and earns a yellow card. Desperation has definitely set in for Germany.
90' – Germany gets called for a foul in the Spanish penalty area. Schweinsteiger and Ballack go ballistic and try to surround the referee, who deftly turns his back and says nothing. Great officiating.
Stoppage time – Germany attacks the goal, but the cross goes wide. Spain counters, but the shot goes wide. Germany commits a foul at midfield. Spain plays the free kick to midfield and plays a little keep-away, until Germany earns a throw-in. Germany plays the ball forward, where Spanish defender Puyol leaps eight feet in the air and heads it away from danger. Spain clears the ball, and THERE’S THE WHISTLE! SPAIN WINS THEIR FIRST MAJOR TITLE IN 44 YEARS! What a game. I’m glad the better team won. The TV coverage switches to Madrid, where fireworks have turned the evening into daylight and Spaniards are going bananas. Germany, meanwhile is very gracious in defeat, while the Spanish team has gone to the Spanish area of the stands to whoop it up with their fans.
Oh the passion of soccer. I wish American sports had this. Oh wait, we have the World Series. Go Diamondbacks. Quit blowing games.
Congratulations, Spain. You deserved it. Winning every knockout game by shutout is mighty impressive. The next major soccer tournament? World Cup 2010, unless you count the 2009 Confederations Cup, which pits every continental champion plus the World Cup holder (Italy) in a tournament. More fun awaits . . .
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